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PostSubject: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 07, 2012 11:20 am

Hi

My name is Caroline. I just wanted to say hi.

Thanks!


Last edited by siuslawcarrie on Sun Apr 10, 2016 8:02 pm; edited 1 time in total
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tamar

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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 07, 2012 11:57 am

siuslawcarrie wrote:
Hello
My name is Carrie and I live in Oregon. I was raised in a non-religious household. At this point in my life (I'm 37), I would like to become religious, and Judaism seems "right" to me. But all I've done is explore online and read books. How do I take the next step of telling people? My husband is Catholic and he will not be supportive. He has not been to church in years, and our kids have never been to church. I think most people in my life will be surprised, and some will be supportive, but a lot won't be. Help!

Thanks!

Welcome!!

You should speak with a reform rabbi. A conservative or orthodox rabbi will not be supportive if you have a husband who will not be supportive. I have a friend who is a conservative rabbi and he said they will not perform a conversion that produces a mixed marriage. I don't know what a reform rabbi will tell you. I do know that in my search of a rabbi to work with they all wanted to know my husband was supportive. They had conversations with him and for me his support was really important.

He was in the Beit Din with me and he was asked how he felt about having 3 Jews in the family by the Rabbis. He was asked how our family had changed and how he felt about that.

I would keep it in your immediate family first until you get that sorted out. Speak with a rabbi and see what he/she says. Speak with your husband. I know in my intro do Judaism class I took through the reform movement many couple were there who were looking for more information.





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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 07, 2012 12:13 pm

Thank you so much!

The only synagogue close to me is Reconstructionist. I emailed them yesterday but no response so far.

I will talk to my husband, it's just going to be hard. We have 3 kids.
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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 07, 2012 1:47 pm

siuslawcarrie wrote:
Thank you so much!

The only synagogue close to me is Reconstructionist. I emailed them yesterday but no response so far.

I will talk to my husband, it's just going to be hard. We have 3 kids.

I don't know what a Reconstructionist rabbi will tell you but I would try calling and have a conversation. Don't wait for them to contact you. They may not. They may wait to see if you contact them again. We have a Reconstructionist congregation near me and they are progressive in their views.

I actually did my conversion through an unaffiliated rabbi. On my Beit Din I had a conservative rabbi, and 2 unaffiliated rabbis. My Beit Din was convened at the local Conservative shul and that is where the Mikvah was.

I am now a member of a Reform Temple, and my unaffiliated lay led community.

what I needed when I started this path was a place for my children to learn. I decided early on that this was not just for me, but my whole family had to be in the process. My 2 younger children wanted to go to Hebrew school and they did 2 years before I converted. They learned and became part of our lay led community. They chose to become Jewish also.

My oldest son was given a choice too and he decided not to. So I live in a mixed family, but we have a Jewish home.

I have had a very supportive family and my parents were very supportive too.

So you might check out if there are unaffiliated communities near you, or lay led communities.

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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 07, 2012 2:58 pm

I know what you mean about Judaism feeling 'right.' I'm curious, what made you want to be religious right now?

I am working with a Reform Rabbi and she told me that she would not convert someone if it interfered with the peace of the family. So, it may be difficult to find one that will under your circumstances.

Through your research, you have probably learned that Judaism doesn't teach that you have to be Jewish to be a faithful person. Perhaps b'nei Noach would suit your situation better if it would fulfill what you are searching for in your quest to be religious. And, you could teach your kids without making war in your home. I'm guessing that your hubby would not allow you to take the children with you if you do go forward with conversion. You could always convert later after your kids have grown and the effect on your family would be less intense. By then your hubby may have mellowed a bit also.

Just a thought...
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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 07, 2012 3:10 pm

Shalom Bayit or peace in the home. That is central in Judaism and I don't think any Rabbi will work towards a conversion without that.

I know it was central in my home and we have worked really hard to have it.

My husbands one request of me was to not push my children and to allow them to make up their own minds and I did.

There were people in my conversion class I took who had spouses who were of other religious practices. They were able to find rabbis who would work with them.

So just speak with a rabbi.

Also understand there are different streams of Judaism and we all have converted under different movements.





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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 07, 2012 5:18 pm

To clarify, I meant that it would be hard to find a Rabbi who will work with a convert whose spouse is actively opposing the conversion. There are plenty of Rabbis who will work with an interfaith situation.
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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 07, 2012 8:49 pm

It sounds like you haven't told your husband? I would say this is the very first thing you need to do. Before taking it any further, you need to have some serious conversations with him. If you can find some way to compromise then move on to finding a shul to attend or even more than one if possible. Get a feel of the communities and speak with some Rabbis. Like the other said, if you husband isn't on board you will have to rethink this but for now you aren't that far.

There is no need to tell anyone other than your husband at this point. You can deal with that later.
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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 07, 2012 10:40 pm

I talked to my husband today. He is supportive. He wants the kids to learn "christian principles" but he will support whatever I want to do. He is not planning on taking the kids to church.

to answer a previous poster, I have been thinking for several years about becoming religious but I never thought about Judaism. I had researched some local Christian churches and nothing seemed to fit. In November, I met a wonderful Jewish woman and I was really curious about her beliefs so I started reading about Judaism.

Thank you everyone for your support!! If I don't get an email back from the synagogue, will call next week. I'm not exactly sure what to say though?
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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 07, 2012 10:50 pm

siuslawcarrie wrote:

Thank you everyone for your support!! If I don't get an email back from the synagogue, will call next week. I'm not exactly sure what to say though?

Tell them you are interested in conversion, you would like to visit and to speak with the Rabbi.
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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 07, 2012 10:52 pm

siuslawcarrie wrote:
I talked to my husband today. He is supportive. He wants the kids to learn "christian principles" but he will support whatever I want to do. He is not planning on taking the kids to church.

to answer a previous poster, I have been thinking for several years about becoming religious but I never thought about Judaism. I had researched some local Christian churches and nothing seemed to fit. In November, I met a wonderful Jewish woman and I was really curious about her beliefs so I started reading about Judaism.

Thank you everyone for your support!! If I don't get an email back from the synagogue, will call next week. I'm not exactly sure what to say though?


What does your husband mean by Christian principles?

As to what to say just be honest. The rabbi will want to talk to you and to your husband and to see how this path will work out in your family. The rabbi may want to talk to your kids depending on their age.

Becoming Jewish changes a family. There are promises one makes in becoming Jewish.

Rabbis are gate keepers so to speak. They will not work towards a conversion that brings disharmony to the family.
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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:01 am

I'm glad to hear that he is supporting your journey!
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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sun Jan 08, 2012 12:15 am

I bet your husband may not know that most of the "christian principles" are most likely ones that are Jewish.

About 90% of the christian values are really found in the Hebrew bible or "ot" as they call it.
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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Mon Jan 09, 2012 5:23 pm

Hello and welcome. :)
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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Mon Jan 09, 2012 7:12 pm

Welcome! I'm new too!!! Wave
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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 14, 2012 12:39 pm

Thanks again everyone. I called the synagogue! It's Reconstructionist which fits me perfectly and I'm going to go to a Shabbat service next Saturday. Can't wait!
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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 14, 2012 9:46 pm

Please let us know how it goes!

I sincerely hope it goes well! Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 14, 2012 10:21 pm

Great!
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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Sat Jan 21, 2012 11:03 pm

Hi everyone

I went to my first Shabbat service today. The Hebrew language is beautiful, but I was thankful for the English translations in the prayer book. The congregation is small, there were only about 20 people there, maybe there are more on Friday nights. Everyone was nice and welcoming to me. I'm going back this coming Friday night. The Saturday service is just twice/month while the Friday night service is every week. I have a lot to learn!
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PostSubject: Re: Caroline Boggs   Tue Feb 21, 2012 9:21 pm

Hi Wave Im new too :) NIce to meet you!
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