HomeCalendarFAQSearchRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 Ultra Orthodox Wedding

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
maculated

avatar

Posts : 156
Join date : 2011-09-08
Age : 37
Location : San Luis Obispo, CA

PostSubject: Ultra Orthodox Wedding   Sun Feb 19, 2012 2:23 am

Abandoning Eden did a pretty good post about ultra-orthodox weddings: http://abandoningeden.blogspot.com/2012/02/jewish-wedding.html
Back to top Go down
http://www.about.me/kristin.mcnamara
geekima



Posts : 33
Join date : 2013-03-09

PostSubject: Re: Ultra Orthodox Wedding   Tue Mar 12, 2013 2:46 pm

(I know this is an old post, but there were no responses and I was looking to respond to posts without any.)

This article makes me sad for several reasons. For one, I think the term "ultra-orthodox" always kind of makes me pause. My husband is Chassidic and we lived for a time in a Yeshivish community. When I think of "Ultra-Orthodox" the image that comes to mind is a negative one, usually of people who use religion as an excuse to do hateful things, like some of the really far right Chareidim in Israel who cause issues when MO girl's schools are built, etc. I don't picture my own family or friends.

But that aside.

The blogger has likely had a painful and difficult life and has a lot of bad experiences with Orthodox Judaism. Unfortunately, it does happen, just as you can find people who had painful experiences growing up in almost any religion or culture. Her blog is from that perspective and reflects that pain. You can almost feel it in her words.

Her description of an Orthodox wedding is so much different from what even someone else at the same wedding without her pain might have written. Her description of taharas hamispacha (family purity laws) and the Orthodox view of birth control are very blunt and harsh and likely colored by her negative experiences.

The world she describes is almost a completely different one than the world many Orthodox live in. In most communities, a wedding is one of the happiest occasions. The bride and groom are nervous and excited. The bride's first trip to the mikvah that day a marking of a transition in her life that she shares with the women in her family. The 7 circles she makes around her husband help to symbolize the 7 sephiros in kabbalah, the 7 manifestations of G-d and also help to create a sacred space for just her and her groom to be in together during the ceremony.

I could write an entire page on Taharas Hamispacha and how it is not about a woman being "dirty." I could also write about how most Orthodox Jews view birth control, with many Rabbis actually recommending that newlyweds use it for the first 1-2 years of marriage so that they have time to grow as a couple and most Rabbis recommending it for other reasons as well. There are some communities where its use is strongly discouraged or even outlawed, but this is not the norm among all Orthodox.

I respect the author's right to write her own truth, based on her own experiences, but I would just urge anyone who reads it to understand that it is a very personal perspective and while it may well be a perfect reflection of her community or family, it does not reflect all of Orthodoxy. It would be very, very sad if it did.
Back to top Go down
Sarit

avatar

Posts : 128
Join date : 2012-03-14
Age : 34
Location : Belgrade, Serbia

PostSubject: Re: Ultra Orthodox Wedding   Wed Mar 13, 2013 3:04 pm

Geekima,

that is beautifully said. I don't have much personal experience with the Orthodox communities (what we have here is a mixture of many, many levels and ways of living Judaism because we have only one community with very different people in the congregation, and our rabbi is Modern Orthodox), but from what I know not any social or religious group is homogeneous. There are all kinds of colors, shades and variants in it, and it basically depends on a person and one's personal experiences or interpretations of a life he/she lives.

I think I can really understand you, geekima. This is going to sound controversial and contradictory maybe, but I think I'd definitely go Orthodox if I wasn't a part of LGBT community in a way. Oh, well.
Back to top Go down
geekima



Posts : 33
Join date : 2013-03-09

PostSubject: Re: Ultra Orthodox Wedding   Wed Mar 13, 2013 3:29 pm

I don't think it's a contradiction or controversial. Orthodoxy's views on LGBT issues is a tough topic and one that my husband and I have wrestled with. We both have LGBT family and friends who we love and support.

Happily, the communities we have lived in, it simply hasn't been an issue. I haven't heard any drash's or shirium dedicated to the subject and it just isn't on peoples' radar as something to be concerned about. The talk is much more centered on things like where to find kosher x, y, or z or what to do about this or that holiday coming up. One of the good things about constantly being busy trying to figure out your own observance and prepare for holidays all the time is that you have far less time to obsess over what your neighbors might be doing. Wink and Smile
Back to top Go down
Sarit

avatar

Posts : 128
Join date : 2012-03-14
Age : 34
Location : Belgrade, Serbia

PostSubject: Re: Ultra Orthodox Wedding   Wed Mar 13, 2013 3:45 pm

I'm glad I hear the experience like yours! And yes, I agree with your remark on observance getting us out of thinking of our neighbours' business. Thumps Up Very Happy

Well, I'll think about your post a lot. Please keep posting on the forum, I enjoy reading! sunny
Back to top Go down
Salvia



Posts : 166
Join date : 2012-12-29
Age : 30
Location : Wales, UK

PostSubject: Re: Ultra Orthodox Wedding   Wed Mar 13, 2013 3:54 pm

Agree with Sarit!! Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, geekima!!
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Ultra Orthodox Wedding   

Back to top Go down
 
Ultra Orthodox Wedding
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
 :: Jewish Life :: Society and Culture-
Jump to: