New and seeking

Shalom, everyone. I'm exploring the possibility of converting Reform, and I would like to have others to talk to. I've been reading the boards and finding a lot of people whose views and opinions have helped me.

About me: male, queer, 43 years old, raised (nominally) Roman Catholic - but I usually say raised "liturgical musician" because of my parents, who were both church musicians - attended the Crystal Cathedral in Orange County CA for a while due to my mother leaving the RC when I was seven; returned to the RC when she had a crisis of guilt, was rushed through first communion and then refused to go on with confirmation classes when I was 13 because none of what I was being taught made any sense. I still went to my dad's church to sing in his choir, but I was there for the music rather than the religion.

I drifted out of the church in my 20s, explored paganism, then became a full-on atheist right around the time my father died, mostly out of anger that he was taken so soon, I think. That was five years ago.

And yet, all my life I felt a pull towards Judaism. But I thought it would just be another iteration of "be terrified of G-d because he's just waiting for you to mess up so he can smack you down again", so I didn't give in to that pull until I got to know some Jewish friends well and began asking questions. Which led to more questions, and more questions - I'm sure you know this story.

My male partner and I plan to get married next year. I have two children from a previous marriage who are now nearly adults (late teens). I have Hungarian ancestry on my mother's side and my great-grandmother's surname was Horvath (a name Jews commonly took in the 1850s in Hungary), but I can't find more information on her, so I do not know whether I have Jewish ancestry or not.

I've been over on gereitzedek as well, but it's pretty quiet over there, so I thought I'd explore here too.

Adam

Hello, shocheradam and welcome!

It's been quite quiet over here too in the last couple of months! I hope situation will get more lively at some point.

You mentioned that questions led you towards Judaism - Jewish tradition actually embraces questions and dialogue, encouraging everyone to ask more, learn more, compare different opinions on issues and think about one's own place and position, and also about one's own relation to Judaism inside that rich spectrum. That's one of the most precious aspects of thought that I appreciate very much.

I can easily imagine how it is easy for anyone who was raised outside Judaism (as I was also!) to slip in a position where he/she sees G-d as a cruel controller who just waits for you to mess up. Well, it's not quite like that, as I see it. G-s is also a teacher, a merciful and loving parent, and a guide through our quests, and one has pretty much personal relation with G-d (which is the most beautiful and most terrifying aspect, since it involves a lot of freedom and a lot of responsibility in the same time).

Of course, everybody sees differently these relations.

Anyway, welcome and feel free to post your thoughts!   

Welcome to the forum, Adam. Yes, it's a very quiet around here. I'm not quite sure what to do about that.

I've been posting most of my thoughts about conversion to a blog over at WordPress, because there seems to be so little activity here. Thank you both for your responses.

Hello Adam! I am also in Orange County, CA and am converting Reform. My eventual goal is to be Orthodox, but I want to ease my way into Jewish life because Orthodox conversion here in O.C. is extremely difficult and hardly anyone gets through the process. In any case, I live in the city of Orange and I am planning to attend a synagogue down the street, they are having an Intro to Judaism class. I wish you well on your path to conversion (where are you in the process?)

Daniel

Well, I've attended several services, I've had a meeting with the rabbi, and I'm waiting for intro classes to start (they're probably going to start in late summer). In the meantime, I'm reading every bit of Jewish literature I can get my hands on - lots of Telushkin, lots of Kushner - and working my way through a "read-Hebrew" book that the rabbi has loaned me. The rabbi formally accepted me as a candidate for conversion a little over a week ago, and says it will be "about a year." So I'm on the road, at least!

I'm also keeping a blog on Wordpress about the process, observing Shabbat as best I can, and trying to stay offline for Shabbat (which is hard for me - I pretty much live online).