Sorry for having brought up the tangential topics of what is Reform and what is "observant". I have started a new topic in a different forum area:
Reform Judaism and traditional observancesBack to the original topic of the Neshama Carlebach song:
the concept of "teshuva" (= "return") is very powerful in Judaism. I think that most converts feel that they are becoming who they were meant to be, so that it is less about change than "return". A Jew who is "baal teshuva" is one who was formerly secular or less observant who becomes religious.
I have a friend who is a lesbian and Orthodox. She is a
baalat teshuva having been brought up in a not particularly observant Conservative Jewish family. I have discussed my feelings about my conversion with her and she says that it does seem to be very similar to her experiences of both "coming out" as gay and "coming out as
frum" (becoming Orthodox). I think she would call all of those experiences "teshuva". She became Orthodox, then got married and had two kids, before coming to realize and admit to herself that she was gay. She stayed Orthodox, but left behind her husband and children in Israel only re-establishing a relationship with her children recently now that they are adults. She may have stayed away from her children for their sake since most Orthodox communities have negative reactions to anyone who is even related to someone who is homosexual. In fact, she and her partner were threatened with physical harm when they tried to join an Orthodox community in Israel.
Anyway, perhaps you will find parallels in finding your religious identity with coming into an understanding of yourself as a gay man.